Sometimes I post on here. Not very often, though.

This was from last night. I'm sharing it with the xanga world for some feedback. It lacks any sort of transition because it was written at 4am and probably shouldn't be posted on the internet without a thorough heresy check but I don't really care.

some people dont need jesus
This is totally unrelated to anything, but I got my nose pierced tonight. That hurt a lot. And it feels like there's a constant, huge booger in my nose.

(4am. No transition or flow. Sorry.)
Okay so, here's the thing. I don't like telling people I go to bible college because it's got this stigma attached to it. It gets me into conversations that I don't want to have and almost keeps me from having normal conversations sometimes just because I go to bible college. They assume that either I want to hear their entire life story (which I've gotten countless times) or that I want to hear their opinions on the church. Sometimes though, I don't.

This evening I accidentally got into the wrong conversation about God. The guy that was tattooing me got off on this rampage about the church and how much he hates it. Which is a normal rampage for most people, but it was interesting to listen to him because he's at the polar opposite end of the spectrum from me. He just left his church mostly because of something called the Kingdom Experiment. It was sort of the final straw for him. Although I don't know a whole lot about it, it doesn't seem like that bad of a thing. (You can check it out here: http://www.kingdomexperiment.com/)

Basically his complaint was that the church has become too seeker sensitive (which I don't disagree with, it really has) and that all we talk about is love love love and grace like rain falling down but there's never anything about God's judgment. People don't have a fear of God anymore. All that.

Which I guess is where my problem lies. And maybe it's that I'm way too into social justice. And think about the theological aspects of my faith would cause me to crumble because when I do think about such things in the sense of what it is that I believe, everything inside me screams run far, far away.

This guy was near my age but was looking for the condemnation kind of crap that makes me cringe. I didn't say anything to him, I just kept my mouth shut and sat there listening. It was frustrating in the sense that one, he wouldn't shut the crap up and I wasn't paying him to talk to me about God. And two, I didn't agree with him and I couldn't understand why he would want that.

Heather made a good point tonight, though. And I can apply it to myself. I can think back to when I used to be like that. And not so much that I was into the God is a God of wrath teaching, but I thought all the loving people stuff was dumb. I see now that it really is just a better way of doing things. It really has been a process of getting to where I'm at right now. And it's been one step forward and a couple steps back all along the way. It was people slowly influencing me to start thinking about things differently. And over time, I've come to where I'm at. I realize now that he is back there. And not to say that I'm better than him or more spiritual than him, we're just in different places, y'know?

For him, his faith is wrapped up in theology and teaching. For me, it's service to others, community, and loving God and people. There has to be a middle ground. When do you start sharing the gospel? I know it's something you live out, but the conversations have to come about eventually. I don't think you should just jump in about Jesus with everyone you meet but at some point it has to come to that. For Mr. Tattoo man, it's at the beginning.

I heard a story tonight about a youth minister who is getting a bunch of crap because he's reaching out to the community. The parents are complaining to the elders about it and even the youth group kids are complaining about it. It's just sad. Isn't that what the church exists for? We don't exist for ourselves. We exist for others. Church makes me think of what happens when we get together on Sunday night with college group. Or what happens when we're all together in community. Or when we're out together serving. Would it be safe to say that we are the church and we are a reflection of Christ so in turn, the church is a reflection of Christ through us? So anytime we look like Christ church happens? Sooo, really it's not a once a week thing but an everyday every hour every minute kind of thing that takes place? I don't think it's just some place we go to on Sunday mornings but I think it's sort of who we are. We make up the church, the body, the universal church, so it has to be a part of us at some point. That's probably a stretch, but it sounds nice.

Though I've been thinking about it for a while, I think I realized tonight that there are a lot of people who don't need Jesus. They have other things to fulfill their lives. They have good lives, they have good people around them, whatever and so there's usually not that broken empty hole that for some odd reason, Jesus is the answer to.

Holy crap I keep wanting to pick my nose. It huuuuurts.

Anyway. How do you convince someone that being a follower of Jesus really is a better way? And especially to the people whose lives already reflect that of Jesus but don't have his name attached to it? What is it that we could possibly offer outside of heaven that would appeal to them? The community? I don't know.

I was talking with a friend tonight about why people become Christians and whether or not there are reasons outside of getting to heaven/staying out of hell to be a Christian and whether or not there was anything wrong with going to heaven being an element in the motivation for becoming a Christian.

And the more I think about it, maybe there isn't anything wrong with heaven being a motivation for being a Christian. Like, hey I'm living this way now, and heaven is a continuation of this life, so helllll yeah, why not keep going because one day it's all going to get better than this anyway. I mean, I guess technically this is a preview of heaven. We as believers should be bringing the kingdom down and this is just a glimpse of whats to come, sans bad stuff. Would it be safe to say that all the things that happen that reflect Christ are flashes of what the kingdom will be like?

What do you say to the person who has never had a need for Jesus but yet their life reflects Jesus and it makes you hurt because you know your life and most other Christians lives don't look like that? They don't care about an afterlife, they just believe that because of experience, helping people is the better way to be.  

Can we condemn those people?

I've had this conversation a few times with some people but it's fresh and I'm throwing it out here so I don't lose it.

Currently Reading Everybody Wants to Change the World By Tony Campolo, Gordon Aeschliman see related

I'm reading this book called, Everybody Wants to Change the World - Practical Ideas for Social Justice by Tony Campolo and some other guy.

It's pretty good. I saw it in the school bookstore a few weeks ago and picked it up. You guys should really check it out. The title pretty much explains what its about but just to give a bit of info about it, it gives a lot of staggering statistics and a lot of simple practical things that you can do to help make the world a better place. It deals with different topics and demographics such as the environment, the homeless, those in prison, the elderly, on and on and on.

Check it out. It's a fairly short easy read.

SPRING BREAK '06

Or Winter Break. But that's not as cool to say.

I'm going to arizona in a couple hours.

Rock onnnnn. See you all in a couple weeks.

dear douche bag.

can it be? a less emo entry? omogmogomggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I currently have a lot of papers to write.
A couple books to read.
Some posters to make.
A flyer to design.
A scarf (or two) to finish.
Several people I need to go talk to tomorrow (or today).
Letters to mail, Phone calls to make, lots and lots of things to do.

There are a million and one things going through my head right now.

Thinking about all the things that are going on and all the things I need to sort out for next semester.

Hopefully I'll be back at school.

I think I found a job. A very super awesome, supremely flexible job. The lady is going to call me about an interview later today.

My grandma is okay, I think... I hope. She seems to be okay, at least, for as okay as someone in a crazy ward can be. I pretty much love her more than anyone else. The other day she looks at me and goes, "you're a pain in the ass." Which made me laugh, obviously. I had been sitting there with her for a while and she wouldn't talk and then just out of nowhere said that. Quite giggly, really.

I cleaned my room last night. I decorated it some more today. There are pictures everywhere. I like it.

I'm pretty sure I'll have all the money for my AZ trip without having to freak out because (if all goes well...) the school will be refunding me some money. (I hope/pray.) And if this super sweet job works out, working 3-4 days a week, I'll make quite a chunk before school lets out for Christmas. We'll see.

I hit a deer coming back to school Monday night. I was pretty pissed. Then everyone started laughing at me and that made it okay. My passenger door won't open. We found a pepsi can inside the ... whatever the bumper covers.

I think it's funny that my dad and I can't have a civil conversation, but I can call him crying because I just hit a deer and he tries to fix it for me.

I think I've found a way to come back to school next semester. And take 15 hours. And still have Mondays and Fridays off. (and I promise I won't come home all the time). We'll see how that goes.

I got an 83 on my History of Christianity test. To the normal person, that sucks. But I was pretty giddy about it. I need to start majorly studying for that class.
I like that class.

I miss being at home.
Which is stupid because I've been there nearly every weekend since school started.
I like home. I like my friends. It's dumb that I miss being there when I was just there Monday. And it's only Wednesday/Thursday.

I kinda feel like they're my family. I'm okay with being me and having everyone think I'm a total idiot.

I bought a sweet box of kleenex at target. And an awesome Frankenstein picture frame. 

I got some belated birthday presents on Monday. 2 gift cards, some casharooski, and some candy. And a chair. It was $12. It was originally $50, but my mom got it on sale, 75% off. Or something like that.

Gas went up 17 cents over night. I was pissed. Yesterday I decided not to fill up because I didn't have time and needed to be back for class. I even thought, eh, it'll be fine, it won't go up. Yeah, it did. I drove down the street today to find that it's up to 2.19. Which is better than what it was this summer, but it's still lame. Screw you, BP.

I've watched The Family Stone, Bruce Almighty, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding within the last 24 hours. All while homeworking. Sort of.

My computer battery is about to die. Nevermind. It's plugged in. My camera battery is dead, I think. I'm going to start taking pictures again.

I'm a class officer. Sophomore class secretary. I can't even spell that word.

I have the most giggle worth shelves to ever exist. But they're growing on me. And now I've put pictures and such on them. They're homey in a very ghetto way.

I got some good music the other day. That's always uplifting.

The past few weeks have been pretty lame, I'm not gonna lie. And I've been thinking about it and trying to find a reason for why all this crap has been happening. So far the only benefit I've been able to come up with is that because I've had to be in Indiana so much, I think I've come to appreciate the friends I have back there a lot. I like them a lot more. And maybe that's why I've gotten more awkward. I've seen that they really do care about me and what's going on and that they want what is best for me... and that scares me.

Honestly. I've been pretty annoyed with God. I feel like I can't catch a break. There's that saying that goes, God won't give you more than you can handle. And I've been thinking, man, when is enough? When can't I take anymore? I've had enough. I can't handle anymore. I kept saying, if one more thing happens I'm going to snap. And then one more thing happened several times. But I haven't snapped. Mostly, I think, because God has allowed me to be a part of something really, really cool, (something life-changing?) and it's kept me from trying to do everything on my own. (Well, I've still tried, but I haven't actually been able to.) Which has kept me from breaking. I've been forced to ask for help and accept help and it's been pretty rad. And asking for help and accepting help are probably the 2 hardest things for me to do because I'm a paranoid freakazoid. Maybe this is all just a lesson in learning to trust others or something. I don't know. It's been a long few weeks, but I don't know that I'd trade it for much else. (except that my grandma would be okay. but y'know.)

Anyway.

I want to keep the scarf I'm making. It's quite nice.

I received the best phone call ever tonight. Maybe not ever, but it rounds off the list of best phone calls. Chad said he has some plastic wrap for me from his work that they were going to throw out. Enough to wrap like 30 cars. How giggly is that.

I should probably do some homework. I think I'm going to stay up all night. Then sleep all day tomorrow after class.